In status aggression, one partner uses control and aggressive tactics to gain and maintain the power.
Status aggression is seen in chickens, baboons, other animal species and also in humans.
Turn on your “jerk detector” and see things as they really are.
Here’s a check list to determine if your partner is a controller and you are experiencing intimate partner violence.
_____ Questions you intensely after you have been away from him/her. _____ Looks through your purse or wallet or goes through the trash. (You can’t wear that low cut blouse to take out the trash) _____ Insists you quit your job and stop going out without him/her.
_____ Tells you that no one else would want to be with you if you leave.
_____ I’ll just squelch my ideas or opinions to keep the peace. _____ I can’t put my abusive kid out of the house; I’d feel too guilty. _____ I have to isolate myself and hide the abuse because I’m ashamed. _____ I’m too afraid; I can’t make it or live alone. If you have some of these beliefs, your “nardar”-that inner warning sense that you’re living with a narcissistic person who wants to hurt you-is damaged. _____ abuse alcohol, cocaine or crack which fuels irrational behavior? If so, their pathology is too great for you to handle. You will absolutely need help from others who are trained in this serious issue.
_____ He/she is so wonderful in so many ways that I can overlook the abuse. _____ I replay the last blowup in my mind to avoid getting a plan of making a change. _____ I can’t say anything to him/her because I might hurt his or her feelings. (This is an old fashioned belief.) _____ Divorce is to fail. The Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at 1-888-743-5754, Stop Abuse for Everyone (SAFE) at the nearest Battered Women’s shelters can give you assistance. As Les Brown said, “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.” You and all people are worthy of being treated with respect._____ Tells stories of how they have hurt others or abandoned others to frighten you._____ Enforces stupid and trivial demands to demonstrate his/her power.” _____ Says things to undermine your self-confidence: “You’re so fat.” “You’re dumb.” _____ Makes snide remarks about you in front of his/her friends or family._____ Reveals embarrassing experiences you have had to others._____ Ignores, apologies, covers up or cries after hurting you.